Hair Loss to Inner Resilience: My Journey with Alopecia
I thought I was in good health and taking care of myself.
However, one morning in late December 2021, my mother noticed a bald patch about the size of a coin on my head while I was going out for work.
This discovery was surprising and confusing because it didn’t look like the usual hair loss patterns.
After realizing it was not just a regular hair fall, I covered the patch with a cap the next morning and went straight to see a dermatologist.
The Shock of Diagnosis
After examining the affected area and my nails, the doctor told me I had Alopecia Areata.
It was a new term for me back then.
My doctor told me that Alopecia Areata is an autoimmune condition where the immune system attacks hair follicles, resulting in hair loss.
I couldn’t believe it, especially since this condition isn’t something that runs in my family.
My doctor showed great consideration and empathy towards my condition.
He assured me that we could get rid of my Alopecia with the help of medications.
I had always believed in the power of following a doctor’s advice and never thought much about the seriousness of illnesses as long as there was medication.
However, this time, I was in for a surprise.
Navigating treatment challenges
After a month passed with no regrowth of hair, I started losing an eyebrow, which was distressing and made me feel like a complete stranger.
Soon after, I had an allergic reaction to something I ate, which caused severe Eczema symptoms on my knees.
This condition made the skin red, itchy, and inflamed due to a hypersensitive reaction, leading to more hair loss.
I became extremely stressed and went to see a doctor again.
The doctor increased my medication and gave me antihistamines to help with the itching and discomfort caused by my condition.
As the Eczema started to improve, my hair showed no signs of growing back. Having a bald patch on my head was one thing, but losing an eyebrow made things even more stressful.
Despite my active past, which included rigorous morning PT and sports in boarding school and excelling in football and table tennis during college, I lapsed in my exercise routine.
I let exercise fall by the wayside in 2021.
I decided to get back into shape and joined a gym again.
However, my time there ended after just four days, as I found the curious stares and questions about my hair loss too uncomfortable to tolerate.
The failure of the medications to work, along with my family’s suggestion to consult a more reputable doctor, made us doubt the effectiveness of the prescribed drugs.
Despite trying various ointments and remedies, my hair loss only worsened, including facial hair loss.
In later months, we sought the advice of one of the most reputable doctors in the city.
The doctor diagnosed me with Alopecia Universalis, an advanced stage of Alopecia Areata that is characterized by the complete loss of hair on the body.
He recommended a new medication called Tofacitinib, which had shown promising results.
Before starting me on this medication, he prescribed mild steroids for the initial two weeks and ordered some tests.
The test results were encouraging, and I soon started the Tofacitinib treatment.
The Mental toll
Shortly after beginning the twice-daily doses, I developed severe knee joint pain.
Despite our efforts, we couldn’t determine the cause of this pain, but it was severe enough to prompt us to rethink the medication.
Nine months into the journey, my hair loss continued, and I felt an overwhelming amount of stress.
I reached a point where I no longer recognized myself in the mirror (and sometimes still don’t).
I became acutely aware of the looks and stares directed at me, leading me to approach life cautiously. I avoided unfamiliar places and people, avoided parties, and more.
My confidence took a hit, and I avoided being photographed, resulting in very few pictures from that time.
In a last effort to find a solution, I restarted taking Tofacitinib, but I experienced slight knee pain once again, so I stopped using it.
Looking back, I realize this decision was likely influenced more by my frustration and stress.
Now, I know of people for whom Tofacitinib has worked well, which makes me wonder if I gave up on it too quickly.
It has changed the way I view life and people, transforming me as a person.
During this period, my family and I were under a lot of stress. I was also dealing with a depersonalization disorder while trying to keep everyone’s spirits up.
I often felt irritable and had trouble thinking clearly.
Finding strength in acceptance
The journey, marked by uncertainty or perhaps a reluctance to accept the reality of my condition, was extremely challenging.
The stress was heightened by inquiries about my marital status and other aspects, showing the broader impact of my condition on various aspects of my life.
One day, I came across a YouTube video on health by Dr. Eric Berg, which sparked my interest.
I spent countless hours watching and reading about health, learning about triggers for autoimmune conditions and lifestyle factors contributing to poor health.
It felt personal, resonating with my lifestyle leading up to my condition.
In 2021, I had poor sleep and didn’t exercise. I experienced mental stress from work and the COVID-19 second wave.
I suffered from vitamin and protein deficiencies and took multiple rounds of antibiotics for frequent colds. Additionally, I had poor metabolic health, low lean muscle mass, and other issues.
Realizing that mental stress triggers autoimmune conditions helped me see the cycle I was in.
I was stressed because I was losing hair, and I was losing hair because I was stressed.
This pattern extended to my medications: I was stressed because they weren’t working, and maybe they weren’t working because I was stressed.
By the end of 2022, I was determined to break free from this mental struggle. I stopped seeking new treatments, embraced my baldness, and accepted the new me.
Being bald in public led to questions from people, including inquiries about my health.
Answering these questions helped me navigate the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance to find peace with my new self.
If you expected a heroic journey of overcoming disease with a miraculous cure, I’m sorry to disappoint: my autoimmune response continued, leading to the loss of all my body hair.
I did everything in my power to combat it: I consulted top doctors, sought second opinions, conducted my own research, and tried various medications, but nothing was effective for me.
Contrary to before, since 2023, I began to manage my health better I’ve been dedicated to achieving peak fitness through:
- Diet: I’ve shifted to a more disciplined approach, prioritizing protein, fats, and essential nutrients. I follow a 14-16 hour intermittent fasting schedule and have experimented with Keto and prolonged fasting
- Exercise: Regularly running and hitting the gym, my focus is on metrics like body fat percentage, biceps size, and running speed
- Sleep: I track and optimize my sleep quality for adequate rest
- Stress management: Utilizing deep breathing and guided meditations, such as Headspace, has been transformative, providing a sense of control. An app reminds me to take deep breaths every hour
Looking back, I don’t see myself as a victim because this journey taught me valuable lessons about health.
As the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Sometimes, it takes a setback to realize that you can take control of your health instead of being passive.
That’s what happened to me. I’ve always searched for my life’s purpose, and after this experience, I believe mine is to help others stay healthy both through my work and in daily life.
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